hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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