i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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