In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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