You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
