I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
