wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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