When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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