seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
