he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
