I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
They have beer where we have blood.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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