You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Randomize
