really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
