I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
