I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
