I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
