He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
