I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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