Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
