This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We left the knife in your bed.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
