Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
