you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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