They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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