8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
