I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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