You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
