You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Everclear isn't food dammit
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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