Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
being pregnant is like rehab
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
