After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
