Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
