Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
