woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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