She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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