I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sorry about my life...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
