I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
