listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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