he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
