its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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