we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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