Rock
Scissors
Fuck
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
