Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
