Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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