FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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