Your dad touched me again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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