evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Four minutes until I can fart!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
only you would photoshop your dick
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
