they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There are leaves in my underwear?
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