her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
