It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
