rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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