Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
