The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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