first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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