Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
