So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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