remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
