I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
