i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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