I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
