Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
