the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
