I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Never underestimate the power of titties
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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