I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly