I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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