i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.