accomplished twins. life is a go
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.