i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.