I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
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Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.