I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.