dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster