You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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