how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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