My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
