i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
