She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
