Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
