the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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