if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
