thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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