I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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