that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
