This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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