i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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