Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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