I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
